Romans: 7:21-23 21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power[e]within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
I believe that these passage of scriptures say a mouth full, they describe every person I know who possesses an anointing, then there are those who think and yes I said think they have arrived. Well I say this; these passages of scripture alone don't tell my story, I mean even if we add the verses Romans 7: 13-20 and 24-25, I would still have to say that I am praying but I am struggling. I would love to tell you that with all this transparency with all this hurt, with the speaking in tongues, the hours of prayer and fasting I don't struggle, but that would require me to sin. Yes, I would have to tell you a lie. I can tell you that I do pray and I pray daily even if in my thoughts I pray, but I sin too. It's mind boggling how in one mind and one breath I am praying for someone and in the next I am thinking of how I could do them harm and get away with it. The mind is a complex thing, and sin is a strange thing, we want to do good, but sin is ever before us. No matter where we go, no matter who we are it's there. I could stand before a 1000 people and deliver a heart wrenching, power filled anointed message and come home and turn this entire home and everyone in it upside down. Does it change the fact that just moments ago the anointing was all over me, that not only I but others were slain in the spirit, Holy Ghost filled speaking in tongues, slain at the altar, NO. It just means that even though I am praying I am struggling. So many people especially in the baptist religion are afraid to embrace the Holy Spirit and asked to be baptized in the spirit and it would be great to say it's because they know they are praying but yet struggling but the reality is they are scared, some even unlearned. This is why so many are devastated when they hear news of their pastors did this or that, it's because they have replaced the God of our lives with a God they can see, and touch and that God is their pastor,spiritual fathers, and spiritual mothers. People they have entrusted to teach them the gospel. People we have chosen to help us live right. Well like us these people though they wear a title are praying but struggling.
Because I study, I have come to know that today's church is filled with pews full of anointed people who don't want to surrender to God and what He has planned for them. It is also filled with people who dabble in witchcraft and vvoodooand all those things but they know enough of this thing we call religion to appear saved, to appear spiritual. This is why I am not impressed by someone saying they are religious or spiritual, I am only impressed when I can see evidence of your relationship with the Father. I know that this relationship it takes studying and sacrifice but know this you will still struggle. I know, because I live it everyday. I pray and I struggle everyday, though I try not to give power to people or the devil I fall short everyday. There are some that just the mere mention of their names send me into prayer and struggling and I ask God to please purge me. You know you got it bad when you say God I would kill them if I could tell you Jesus did it. But that's just me I am not putting that on anyone else. Here's the truth of it all the feelings are not about anything these people have done in the past it's about you forgave them and moved on, but because they want to test your relationship or Holiness, or maybe because they are just going through the motions they think you are too they test you, they want to trip you up. There are times when I avoid the church house like the plague is there and it's because I don't want to go and get filled with the spirit only to have those that have come to play church or out of tradition, or habit dowse the fire of the Holy Spirit with church drama. Hollywood should come to church when looking for new talent. This is my one fault that most can't stand about me I am not perfect and I don't mind saying it, but they feel in my transparency I am exposing skeletons in their closets too. Well, I don't have time to look in your closet while I cleaning out my own.
Every struggle I have gone through, going through and going to go through has caused me to pray, so again I can say I am praying but I am struggling. I can say that at times I am my own worst enemy and that is because of this mind that is trapped in my head. If I could just free it of the thoughts that race through it. Being anointed is almost to me like being crazy, when people say they hear from God they do, then there is something that still keeps them from sharing it or doing it, or they do what He says do, but worry what others think. I don't have time, to worry about what people think about my praise or worship because it's personal. Many would be surprised to know that 98 percent of the time when I am worshiping and crying in church it has nothing to do with my present situations, but what I know God is going to do most of the time what I feel Him doing. For me to be falling out and crying about what is presently going in my life would be to say that I am not trusting Him. My prayers and struggles aren't about that, it's about doing right and not going off on the next person who comes to me acting as if they got it all together as if they never experience rain that all their days are sunshine.
My prayer is that when people come to church they will take the hefty bags filled with garbage, porn, infidelity, fornication, alcohol, drugs, backbiting, gossiping, drugs, shacking up, sexual perversion, and etc and leave them there. Not take it up to the altar have God look it over spray it with lLysoland take it back, because by time you make it out the parking lot again it's stinking. But if you will trust Him enough to leave it there. Trust Him enough to admit, that I said I forgive her, but I don't want anything to do with her there so God please don't give me her to help, to leave that at the altar, they think I got it all together but they don't know I don't even love me so how can I love someone else. To leave at the altar I don't want to like or love people I just want to work my way into heaven get accolades and titles when I am here and that's enough. I have kept you long enough. But I wanted you to know that you are not alone, I am bold enough to say I am praying but I am struggling. Wise enough to know that the people in the street don't cause us the same problems the people in the church do, the people in our families do. Those are the ones that drive us to drinking, and drugs if we let them. Then we wonder why the world wants no part of us this thing called Christianity; at least they are united in their thing. We can't even walk together but we want to preach Jesus. I'm done.
Blessed to Be A Blessing,
Shon Garner Cole http://realtalkwithshon.blogspot.com/ or
@imda4given1 on twitter.
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