My Mouth Says I Do, My Heart Says I Don't

by Shon Garner Cole on Monday, November 28, 2011 at 6:23pm

You hurt me, tore into my flesh and left me for dead

You promised me things, but you were only playing with my head.

You looked back once or twice trying to see how I survived after all those 

were some pretty deep slices, you should have just poked out my eyes. 

You thought you took the best parts of me, instead your selfish actions strengthened me.

With my mouth I said I forgive you, I even let you back in 

only to realize that your touch still hurt me and it hurt deep within.

So when you said maybe we need a little more time, I pushed you out the door and 

didn't care where or with who you would go.

I just wanted you away from me so I wouldn't retaliate the more I looked at you the more 

my heart started to feel what it felt like to hate.

I realized just the other day that my mouth said I forgive you, 

but  my heart says I don't. In the deep recesses of my mind I wonder if 

forgiving you is something that I want. Do I want to forgive you and move on

after all you took advantage of my love and your hurt it was strong, each jab of the knife

was slow, and precise, each time you pulled it out and put it back in. Each time you took another 

wind. 

But the God I serve He wouldn't let me die, He wouldn't even let me lay there wounded 

and not long did He let me cry. He said what you did was apart of the enemies plan, 

But thank God for God He always has the upper hand.

My mouth said to you and your counterparts I forgive you,

But my heart says I don't.

I wish you no harm, but I pray that you see the smile on my face

I pray that I can keep it there and serve you with grace. God already has it 

arranged that each of you will have to come to me and like Joseph I will graciously serve you and

be who God has called me to be. 

I know by then my heart will no longer say I don't I am bigger than each of you

Even though if my flesh had it's way I would leave each of you in want.

So right now at this very moment I forgive you for being stupid, selfish and used.

I forgive you because they are relishing in your failure and behind your back calling you  a fool.

You see they know that I was your covering the one who had your back. They smile in your face

and they are happy about your mess behind your back.

Right now my mouth can say I forgive you, and my heart can too

Because God just told me doing so takes the power back from each of you.

So until that day when you all come with your hands held out.

I am on my knees praying that you all find out what a real relationship with 

the Father is about. 

So I moved from my mouth says I do, but my heart says I don't 

to God has His arms stretched out and He can use me to help 

you if He wants.  He will get all the glory, but He will make sure each of you

know my name. He will make sure I don't take for granted that He trusted me

to carry out this assignment and that I am doing it in His name.

I am Blessed to Be A Blessing

Shon Garner Cole  Nov 2011